The Ballad of Thomas Shovelshit

[supermouse]

Hear tell of Thomas Shovelshit
Cleaner of the gardrobe
(Caretaker of the gardrobe)
Who takes things to the midden
And one day found there hidden
Gold stitching from the Earl's robe
(His gold and set with pearls robe).

It was a very tiny bit
But Tom, blood on it finding
(Warm wet blood on it finding)
Went back into the shit-well
And, young enough to fit well
Up into it went climbing
(He stealthily went climbing)

To his lord's room from underneath
In darkness very smelly
(Wet and dark and smelly)
Up dank and slimy walling
So cleverly went crawling
Like a tapeworm in a belly
(Like a worm inside a belly).

He had his dagger in his teeth,
Climbing now much slower,
(More carefully and slower)
With something on him dripping
And the sound of cloth still ripping
As a body settled lower
(The Earl's body settled lower).

Not a body, but his lord, still!
Alive but barely breathing
(Just a whisper was he breathing)
Where an assassin roughly cast him
So our Squire of Shit pushed past him
With maggots on him seething
(Fresh maggots, live and seething).

A mere dagger for a sword will
Suffice for seeking glory
(A knife's enough for glory)
When a knave who wasn't ready
Meets a boy with courage steady

Brave! Thomas Shovelshit
Smelly! Thomas Shovelshit
Glorious! Thomas Shovelshit

The hero of our story,
(And thus concludes our story)